How to survive a book tour

Or what I take in my suitcase when I go.

US airports are not like our airports.

Hello! I’m deep in promo-land, or even pre-promo land, hence me being online a little less than is usual. I’m prepping for the release of We All Live Here in February by doing interviews, and podcasts, answering questionnaires and getting ready for three individual tours – Switzerland/Germany, the UK - and then America, for the first time since 2019.

I tour a lot less than I did. Partly because of climate concerns – I don’t feel like we can all just whizz cheerfully across the globe in the way we used to - but also because I find it harder than I used to, the intense schedules, the loneliness, the sense of dislocation that comes with moving from hotel room to hotel room. I miss my family, and I miss my animals in a way that has become visceral and a bit unbalancing. And while I love meeting readers (it is good to be reminded there are actually people out there reading what you create), I am honestly happiest at home writing something new. As other writers have pointed out before me, if you went on every tour and festival you were invited to you could easily lose a year without doing any writing at all.

So apologies in advance if I’m not visiting near you this time round. As my friend Lisa Jewell put it on an Instagram post recently, I am just one small person in a very big world. But I thought I’d give you a little insight into what touring is actually like, via a (not entirely serious) list of what to pack for a writing tour.

1. Clothes.

Obviously. Except packing clothes for touring is not simple. When I used to tour the States for weeks I would often be going from snowy climates to beachy temperatures in the same trip. This means my suitcase would have to include padded jackets as well as summery dresses. And temperature is not the only concern: you may be on television, so you need bright colours (cameras hate black, or intricate patterns). You are going to be walking across endless airport forecourts, so you need walking shoes or trainers. Mostly you need to look presentable because it is entirely possible your flight will be delayed and you will be going to your first event straight from the airport carousel, and regretting, like I did, your choice of Dr Marten boots and black jeans when you find yourself giving a talk in front of an audience that contains a former First Lady (Laura Bush). Plus in my experience everyone in Texas looks immaculate. And it’s hard to look immaculate when you’ve been living out of a suitcase for two weeks. So non-crease items are your friend (hello Onjenu!)

Also: what should an author wear anyway? In Germany, they are entirely satisfied by my usual uniform, which is mostly black. If I wear this in California, they think someone has died. In Italy everybody is so beautifully dressed that it takes three times as long to work out what to wear.

My friend Lee Child, of Jack Reacher fame, famously sent copies of the same black suit to every hotel he was due to stop at, so that he could travel hand luggage only. I cannot tell you how much I would love to do this. Maybe I will one day. Would you be bothered if at every stop a female author appeared to wear exactly the same thing?

Those who travel a lot for work will know the utter relief of a two night stop, where instead of unpacking at 6pm and repacking at 6am, you can send some stuff to the hotel laundry, and have an actual bath. But head off with clean clothes. This is not a joke. A publicist I worked with once told me about an author who would pack a suitcase entirely full of dirty clothes and then get them cleaned by the hotel on the publishers’ expense when they embarked on their tour.

2. Currency.

In the US, tipping is everywhere. We British get in such a knot about it, when to give and how much. I think the answer in the US is always and a lot. Writers often get a per diem during their tour. I swear if you leave a hotel, get a taxi, take a plane, get another taxi, end up at another hotel, you could lose half of that in necessary tips. Who wants to be the writer remembered for being stingy? I guess I’ll find out how that is working now that we are living in an increasingly cashless society. All tips gratefully received (the advisory kind).

Also – when touring many countries it is advisable to clear your wallet in between trips. My toes still curl when I remember the time I killed a couple of hours in Wichita by looking round a Goodwill store, and tried to buy a paperback with euros. The cashier looked at me when I protested that these were cents I was trying to give them, as if I was trying to pull off a major crime. Cents, cents, turns out they are not all the same.

3. Bags of nuts.

This was a tip given to me by my lovely friend Sophie Kinsella, who knows a bit about touring. Because sometimes, despite the best will of your handlers, they will forget to feed you. Or their schedule will get away from you so that there is no time for food. To avoid diva-style meltdowns, it is best to always carry an emergency bag of nuts or a protein bar in case you don’t have time for room service. I still remember – with shame – almost bursting into tears when my room service pot of tea did not materialize in time during the 40 minutes I had in my room to unpack and get changed before an event. I think I called the front desk three times – It’s just a pot of tea! How long can it take! All I wanted was some tea! I told a friend this story at the time with some shame, acknowledging that I had suddenly understood how someone becomes a diva, especially if they only had 30 minutes to get into a sparkly dress and eat a sandwich. “I was definitely much more angry and demanding than I normally am. I felt like Mariah Carey.” He shook his head. “You’re not like Mariah Carey. Because I bet you rang back later and apologized.” I’m British. Of course I did.