But it is so true that people are more likely to reference the author’s life experience if they are a woman and the author’s craft and style and, oh, maybe the actual story, if they are a man. Even those men who write about the everyday and relationships. I guess the only male author whose life I feel I know a bit more about is Stephen King, but mostly that’s through On Writing where he shares a fair bit about his life.
I used to love in the same village as Jilly Cooper and there was so much time spent trying to work out who her characters were based on, because obviously they *must* have been and couldn’t possibly have just sprung from her imagination.
I mean, occasionally the answer is that men SHOULD be doing something too. But cold-calling strangers to ask if they'd be willing to hate their ankles is definitely on the weird end of the spectrum!
What an interesting and thoughtful read ... So true! When you break these questions down, pause and reflect whether it's just a women type of question 🙄
And couldn't agree more with ankles/cankles - just don't get why there are constant suggestions for which part of the body we should be unhappy with!
I thought that too about the media just making up things for us to be unhappy about. 🙈😂🤔 I remember being a teen and reading stuff about “saddle bags” and “love handles.” I didn’t have anything of the sort (at the time) so I was very confused. 🫣 But none of this would be “a thing” if it wasn’t constantly brought up. 🙄 Also, it is such a good point that men never have to talk about their personal lives.
Whenever cankles are mentioned I can’t help but bubble internally with laughter…because I am immediately reminded of a beloved auntie, who when she lost her hair while undergoing therapy for cancer, murmured with a wicked wink “at least I don’t have cankles”. Thank you for (however unintentionally) reminding me of her.
I have been similarly enraged by magazines. One here in Australia demanded to know my age for an article and made one up (older by three years !) when I declined to give it. There were four stories about men in the same edition :: none of their ages (or status in regard to partners) were mentioned.
Wow. Thanks for saying all that. I spent many years on the edge of this as a writer who covered parenting subjects for a national paper and who got her start in part with an essay that said far too much about her relationship with one of her children. I’ve regretted that piece, although not the result, and I used to spend a lot of time as an editor for that same paper discouraging writers from sharing aspects of their family lives that I suspected they would regret. (A fave: the writer who wanted to write, public ally and using her name, about her fear that her son’s penis was too small.) it’s one thing to open up about something in a way that helps people feel less alone, and I respect that. It’s another to be asked to continually mine our trauma. I hope you’re not asked, and this reader at least never wants to hear you answer!
I totally agree. I worry particularly when people are encouraged to share their trauma in order to sell things - and the people around them may have a vested interest. Good on you. I hope people follow your lead. I certainly will if anyone’s ever interested enough in my writing ✨
I don't know why, but it hadn't ever occurred to me before reading this that female authors often mine their personal experiences when promoting a book in a way that men don't. It's made me reflect on what I've shared in the public domain, and made me realise I need to sit and think about where I want to put boundaries in place going forwards.
A little strange (and you’ll either shriek internally or nod wearily at the absurdity of tech, or both) to hear all of this read out in a male American voice. (Tap the little ▶️ arrow at the top of the Substack app.)
Thank you for writing this brave piece, Jojo, and I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through all of that. I’m about to start the promo tour for my own book and have also been encouraged to delve into what’s unique and personal about my own life experiences. This is a great reminder that readers do not need to know our suffering and everything that makes us vulnerable in order to enjoy our work. Well done on yet another amazing book - can’t wait to read it!
As a former (recovering) journalist, I did like to get the back stories of the people I was interviewing – how they start their day, their creative process, what they did to unwind, favourite thing about the city, etc. and if they said something interesting, certainly I would ask follow up questions. These personal details added a little colour (not necessarily of their knickers) to the story about the movie/novel/album release.
But I think with everything on show these days, we’ve become desensitized to the very personal and private moments of anyone’s life. So much so, personal questions have become a demand and expectation, and we risk offending the asker if we don’t oblige.
Sadly, I don’t think this practice will ever reverse course.
This is just brilliant and has articulated something so many of us feel uncomfortable about
Thank you Poorna. It even feels too personal writing that!
Ha ha! I can imagine! It’s such a stressful thing to articulate but a very necessary one and so many of us resonate with it so for that, thank you 💕
This is very interesting. I was reading and commenting on this post the other day https://open.substack.com/pub/anarrativeoftheirown/p/the-elena-ferrante-furore?r=aobxz&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web and I felt I appreciated being able to read Elena Ferrante’s work without having to reference her life as well and how freeing that is for the reader, but it must be even more so for the writer.
But it is so true that people are more likely to reference the author’s life experience if they are a woman and the author’s craft and style and, oh, maybe the actual story, if they are a man. Even those men who write about the everyday and relationships. I guess the only male author whose life I feel I know a bit more about is Stephen King, but mostly that’s through On Writing where he shares a fair bit about his life.
I used to love in the same village as Jilly Cooper and there was so much time spent trying to work out who her characters were based on, because obviously they *must* have been and couldn’t possibly have just sprung from her imagination.
Good luck with avoiding having to overshare!
I mean, occasionally the answer is that men SHOULD be doing something too. But cold-calling strangers to ask if they'd be willing to hate their ankles is definitely on the weird end of the spectrum!
What an interesting and thoughtful read ... So true! When you break these questions down, pause and reflect whether it's just a women type of question 🙄
And couldn't agree more with ankles/cankles - just don't get why there are constant suggestions for which part of the body we should be unhappy with!
I thought that too about the media just making up things for us to be unhappy about. 🙈😂🤔 I remember being a teen and reading stuff about “saddle bags” and “love handles.” I didn’t have anything of the sort (at the time) so I was very confused. 🫣 But none of this would be “a thing” if it wasn’t constantly brought up. 🙄 Also, it is such a good point that men never have to talk about their personal lives.
Whenever cankles are mentioned I can’t help but bubble internally with laughter…because I am immediately reminded of a beloved auntie, who when she lost her hair while undergoing therapy for cancer, murmured with a wicked wink “at least I don’t have cankles”. Thank you for (however unintentionally) reminding me of her.
I have been similarly enraged by magazines. One here in Australia demanded to know my age for an article and made one up (older by three years !) when I declined to give it. There were four stories about men in the same edition :: none of their ages (or status in regard to partners) were mentioned.
Wow. Thanks for saying all that. I spent many years on the edge of this as a writer who covered parenting subjects for a national paper and who got her start in part with an essay that said far too much about her relationship with one of her children. I’ve regretted that piece, although not the result, and I used to spend a lot of time as an editor for that same paper discouraging writers from sharing aspects of their family lives that I suspected they would regret. (A fave: the writer who wanted to write, public ally and using her name, about her fear that her son’s penis was too small.) it’s one thing to open up about something in a way that helps people feel less alone, and I respect that. It’s another to be asked to continually mine our trauma. I hope you’re not asked, and this reader at least never wants to hear you answer!
Oh man, yes, it’s a whole different ball game once you start mining your children (and their bodies!)
I totally agree. I worry particularly when people are encouraged to share their trauma in order to sell things - and the people around them may have a vested interest. Good on you. I hope people follow your lead. I certainly will if anyone’s ever interested enough in my writing ✨
Ooof that last line.. I'm nearly positive that someone wrote it. Thank you for bringing all of this up! I am in agreement with all of it, Jojo.
I feel like I should google it.
So amazing
Thank YOU for writing this! Been thinking about it lots too.
I don't know why, but it hadn't ever occurred to me before reading this that female authors often mine their personal experiences when promoting a book in a way that men don't. It's made me reflect on what I've shared in the public domain, and made me realise I need to sit and think about where I want to put boundaries in place going forwards.
I loved reading this!
A little strange (and you’ll either shriek internally or nod wearily at the absurdity of tech, or both) to hear all of this read out in a male American voice. (Tap the little ▶️ arrow at the top of the Substack app.)
Wow--this is such an impactful piece.
Thank you for writing this brave piece, Jojo, and I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through all of that. I’m about to start the promo tour for my own book and have also been encouraged to delve into what’s unique and personal about my own life experiences. This is a great reminder that readers do not need to know our suffering and everything that makes us vulnerable in order to enjoy our work. Well done on yet another amazing book - can’t wait to read it!
So…what colour are your knickers?
As a former (recovering) journalist, I did like to get the back stories of the people I was interviewing – how they start their day, their creative process, what they did to unwind, favourite thing about the city, etc. and if they said something interesting, certainly I would ask follow up questions. These personal details added a little colour (not necessarily of their knickers) to the story about the movie/novel/album release.
But I think with everything on show these days, we’ve become desensitized to the very personal and private moments of anyone’s life. So much so, personal questions have become a demand and expectation, and we risk offending the asker if we don’t oblige.
Sadly, I don’t think this practice will ever reverse course.